#still feel like im missing something though

[chiacanwritesometimes]

the three times you tried, and the one time it worked.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

ship: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 1.09k

authors note: this is unedited, i wrote this at like 2am and will finish it some time soon!! this fic dives into themes of pregnancy and miscarriage, so please please do not interact if these themes bother, trigger or make you uncomfortable.

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three times, you had gotten pregnant. three times, you held the stick up carefully, as to not shatter the illusion, and showed him. three times, he held you as sobs racked your body. one time, though, one time, it was different.

the first time was a surprise. you were in your bathroom, and found some old pregnancy tests that you bought from your college days.

sheesh, do these still work?

you unwrapped it carelessly, and sat down on the toilet. humming, you urinated on the stick, and when you were done, placed it on the counter. you cleaned yourself and pulled your shorts up. washing your hands was difficult. you were nervous, you weren’t sure why. it seemed like a good time for you and him to have a kid, it felt natural. sure, he was still going on missions with sam occasionally, but not often enough to where he would be missing out. you dried your hands on the hand towel, and looked at yourself in the mirror. you sighed. you started to trail your fingers around your skin, your hair, your facial features. little scars adorned your skin, reminders of your past. various ones from your cat, but others from less kind encounters. your examination was interrupted from his throat clearing. his body leaned against the door frame of the bathroom; he must’ve opened the door when you were focused on yourself. his eyebrows etched together in what was beginning to look like a sort of quizzical and sympathetic emotion. he tilted his head to the side, acknowledging the pregnancy test.

“what’s that?”

he asked. for a moment, you felt confused. you turned your face to look at it.

“um…”

it felt strange to have to say it out loud, it made it too real.

“it’s a…”

he walked closer. he grabbed the box of tests, and scanned the words. his eyes widened. he turned to you with his mouth slightly agape.

“are you..?”

“im not sure.”

you started before he could finish. you squirmed under his gaze, feeling like you got caught doing something you shouldn’t have been. he placed the box down. he started moving the hair from your face.

“it’s okay.”

the two simple words eased you. it was okay if you were pregnant or not. he lightly placed a kiss on your forehead, and leaned to place his chin on the top of your head.

“how can you tell?” he asked softly.

“two lines means yes. one line means no.” you responded, face buried in his neck. you two stayed like that for a while, until you decided to check the test. you turn it over, and…

you at least had reached three months. you finished your first trimester, a good milestone. your bump was growing slightly bigger, and you began to waddle instead of walk. he found this endearing. he started calling you a penguin, and you rolled your eyes, which then made him laugh. it was a warm feeling.

fall had arrived. the leaves were turning brown, jazz began to swell from your home, and nights became colder.

it was a lazy day at the barnes house. both of you were at his home office, him at his desk and you on the couch adjacent to him. you were flipping through home and lifestyle magazines, occasionally breaking the silence with “we should get this!” or, “doesn’t this look cute?”. he often took breaks from his work to look at you. you had that glow, and not just from the pregnancy. both of you had many hardships previous to when you started to go out. you had supported him after the deprogramming from wakanda, and were the main reason he still walked out of bed a kind man. he was so grateful for you, and he was very glad to be entering this new step with you.

hours passed. night had begun to start, the lazy rays from the sun no longer there. you had fallen asleep on the couch, and he covered you with a blanket. he walked out of his office, and into a room full of liquor. as he poured himself a glass of whiskey, it happened.

screams filled the office, and his blood turned cold. he yelled your name out, and stormed into a scene from a horror movie. you were sobbing, your pajama pants soaked with blood. it wasn’t pooling, but enough has trickled to the point it stained the couch. he had no time to freeze. he scooped you up, given you a quick shower and grabbed the keys to the car as you were placing a pad on your underwear. your sobs had calmed down, but tears were still falling.

the trip to the e.r. felt excruciatingly long. the tense situation led him to white knuckle the steering wheel, his metal arm threatening to break it. you stared off into the distance, counting the stars to keep you distracted. you reached the destination, but neither of you had gotten out of the car. you remained frozen in your seat, and he grabbed your hand, breaking you out of your trance. his eyes were red, stained with tears of his own. “it’s…” he swallowed his tears back. “it’s okay.”

…

the second time wasn’t so long. it was five months after the first time you were…

you walked outside, and into the backyard. you and him had built a little shrine for the… “the one that couldn’t”, you had referred to it. calling it your child made it hurt, but not knowing if it would’ve been your son or your daughter hurt more. he thought it was a girl, but you said it was a boy. deep down, you agreed with him. you kneeled in front of the shrine. it was still cold out, old snow from the day prior covered everything in a thin sheet of white. you wiped away snow from her- err, it’s shrine, and closed your eyes. you breathed deeply, the cold air giving your cheeks a pink tint. you emptied your pockets. you lit a candle and started talking.

“happy valentine’s day, circe.” you chose that placeholder name because it was a mix between percy and cici, two potential names from the list. you cleared your throat. “valentines day is a day where you show appreciation to the ones you love most. you would’ve liked it, aside from the fact that we would have so much chocolate, something you wouldn’t have been able to eat.” the last words trailing off. “i love you.”

…

part 1/3? i will post the second part sometime tmr!

[nadinefromwhere]

Self aware (rafayel x reader) part 2

word count: 1.1k

HI GUYS IM BACKKK I JUST WANNA SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! PLUS CALEB GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING RN plus enjoy this fic!!! next one will be a xav oneshot~ BUT ITS FLUFFY I PROMISE

Warnings: none

FANFIC UPDATES!!!! ao3 wattpad

Everytime he sees you, the only thing he just wanted was to hug you and never let you go. Sadly, It couldn’t happen since you were both separated by a screen. Yes, a screen.

Today was just any other day for you, Log in the game, do dailies and weeklies and maybe even farm a bit. But now it seems really weird ... .For some reason. Well not the game but its Rafayel.

Usually he’d just say something or probably be reading or sleeping but it's weird… maybe you're just hallucinating? After all, you haven't been sleeping well the past few days since you’ve been working on an art project that's due soon….

“So this is due next week, the other later, and the other….” You count how much was due, maybe around 5 - 10 projects? You slowly start regretting for procrastinating, using that time to farm in the game for rafayel’s latest banner, into the canvas. Make it even worse there was a quad banner after and you only having 300 gems was the worst…..

“I'm sorry raf but i might have to skip this incoming banner” you say sighing in defeat, turning off the game in your phone to start finishing another art project…..

Meanwhile

Rafayel pouts as he sees you close the game, The only thing he wanted in the world right now was to just hug you, not the game you but the real life you. He did notice how stressed you were nowadays, especially the fact that your schedule was packed. Sure he did see the amount of effort you did when farming and also he did find it a coincidence that you went to art school.

He waited…..and waited…..and waited….

Seriously, are you just going to be gone for the next 800 years? (even though it's only been 2 hours but still)

He kept spamming you with messages on the phone, which was very usual of him to do. While you on the other hand was focused on finishing as many projects as possible.

“If only i was there with you….i could’ve helped you out but no, i'm stuck in a screen” he says pouting

.

.

.

.

.

.

A few hours later…

“Well I'm finally done with half of it so maybe i’ll just…. Sleep it off first….” You say as you started to fall asleep while listening to one of Rafayels 4* memories..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was so comfy, like really comfy. You know the feeling when somebody’s beside you and then it’s a rainy morning? Wait. wait this is wrong.

You live alone,

You don't even remember letting anyone sleep beside you yesterday,

NOW WHAT WAS THIS!?!?!?!

You open your eyes in panic just to see him. No other than Rafayel, the very same man that you wished to see in reality ever since you started playing love and deep space.

“Morning cutie” he says, and immediately you smack rafayel immediately, throwing him off guard. 

“Hey why smack me when you could give me a kiss :(“ Rafayel says pouting confusedly on why you would do that to him first thing in the morning. Don't you miss me?? He wonders

“You're real?” you say as you kept touching everywhere, the face, nose, hair everywhere./

“Yes I am real, didn't you sleep well yesterday?” rafayel asks, even though he knew that you probably spent studying until 3 in the morning.

“Uhm of course i did-” you say before rafayel cuts you off

“Liar i know you slept at 3 am so thats means you don't sleep well 😠” rafayel says as he looks at you as if you committed a crime or something.

“Wait how do you know-” you ask confused on how the hell did a fictional character that you loved knows you slept very late in the morning

“Because you left me all alone in the cafe to study silly girl, that's why i know” he says winking at you

“But- BUT-”

“No buts, the only thing i want to do today is just spend time with you” rafayel says as he picks you up bridal style……

The entirety of the day was spent in laughter and enjoyment, visiting the aquarium, painting with rafayel, having dinner with him and the last thing on the bucket list for today is watching the sunset at the beach.

“You know everytime i see the sunset, the first thing that reminds me is you,” Rafayel says, as he interlocked his hands with yours. 

Looking into his purple - magenta eyes before you could even say another word, suddenly you felt like you were falling into the abyss, as if you have gotten knocked out or something….

“WHAT THE-” you open your eyes just to see yourself back in your good old bedroom, same home, same lifestyle. 

“So it was just all a dream?” you wonder, as you stand up from bed. 

As you sigh and get yourself ready for uni, you find yourself lost in the moments where rafayel was doing everything with you…it felt so real you swear that it all happened….

Sometime later you find yourself in the middle of a lecture until you receive a message from an unknown number….

Messages

Unknown number: hey cutie when’s class going to finish?

You're scared. No creeped out to be exact. Who is this? How did he/she find your number? How did the person in question find out you're in class right now? Your breathing becomes heavy as you debate whether to reply or not. At this point the class wasn't the topic anymore. It was about who that was and how creepy they are.

You: who are you? If i may ask 

Unknown number: it's me cutie, the name's rafayel. Did you forget about me? 

You: yeah no way you're actually him creep. Hell no way i'm believing that easily

You close your phone as you block the number, hoping that everything won't escalate later on…..

Rafayel on the other hand, was to say driving to the art school where you study. Having a bouquet of flowers at hand as he was almost near….

“Yeah yeah whatever besides I already blocked the creep so there's nothing going to happen next right?” you say chatting with one of your friends as you walk outside the school.

Suddenly a sports car pulls up at the entrance, before you could react to anything you see a young man in his mid - twenties purple hair and purple - magenta eyes get out of the car with a bouquet at hand as he immediately spots you.

“Hey there cutie, how's life in art school?” rafayel asks, smiling as he gives you the flowers he bought earlier

You missed him. Missed his touch, his whiny voice everytime when he loses the claw machine, and how you and he would tease each other at times.

“Rafayel you jerk” you said as you immediately hugged him, not caring about anyone right now except  for him. 

“I finally found you, cutie. Don't leave me again” He says hugging you back, he finally found you. Maybe waiting for 800 years really was worth it. 

_________________________________________________________ Taglist: @ladyof-themoon

[caitvi1room]

☆❤︎︎ | im bored ! So heres a caitvi scenario of when vi is missing jinx ( im sorry )

☆❤︎︎ | they would be sitting in the same position they were in the end of arcane and vi would be drinking some water and caitlyn would have her arm wrapped around vi trying to comfort her and be understanding even though she did still have a little hatred for jinx for killing her mother.

vi : i miss jinx , well i don’t miss jinx i miss powder she was like my little mini me except she was letting hitty and she made the bombs its was adorable

caitlyn : i understand , so she was like a little mini you except less.. hitty?

vi: yes she was crafty it was adorable sometimes after i would be hitting the punching bag i would notice her making the little bombs , i guess.. i just feel like i couldve done something to save her ya’kno?

caitlyn : i know vi, you tried your best though baby you did all you could do it was her choice okay? i love you and ill be here to listen to you we can work through this together

i fully believe they would go to bed then talking about their siblings vi would talk about powder and caitlyn would say scenarios with jayce

[dreams-of-me]

Baby, Call Me Back..

Nanami x Reader

this is based off of this tik tok https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8kMjMCU/ Guys this has been in my drafts for the longest, please enjoy and more to cum!

Word Count: 1.09k

Warnings: Minors DNI, NSFW, deep penetration, vaginal penetration, AFAB Reader, Anime accurate (maybe)

You knew Nanami's job or skill was something you couldnt fathom even when he even explained it all, you cant wrap your brain around it. And over the years on knowing him you never question the bruises, scratches, and everything in between punctured lings and broke ribs. But he was yours and he always came back.

So he sat you down and spent a whole day with you. Shopping, treats, even some bird watching and a picnic. The day was perfect and at the end of the end of it, he sat you down to tell you that he was going to shibuya, and how the situation being as dire as it is, hes uncertain in his skills. You told him he'd be back, he frowned slightly then agreed.

When he left you went about your day without him normal. Until you started seeing him in places, or calling out for him. Remembering that he wasn't with you was so normal. He called earlier but you were busy so you didn't pick up. You walked around bored and decided to call.

"You've reached Nanami, Leave a message . BEEEEP"

"Hey, sorry i missed you call, call me when you get a chance im not sure if your busy or not."

You hung up and decided to go for a walk.

A brisk seven and a half minute walk to the park and back and youve been cleared of all negativitey. It was the end of the day, the sun fully set so why not take a shower.

You hop in, feeling the fletting chill in your spine as your skin was exposed to just the teampurature you live of hot water. The steam rising created a thick smog of the entire bathroom, fogging up the mirror almost instantly.

"Nanami baby, come home soon" you sighed thinking about being in bed without him

The bed he held you in, the bed he warmed you in, the bed he fucked you in...

He touched your skin slowly and sweetly, finding his place i between your legs, you aways loved when he did this.

When his hand passes over your body so gentely you feel like every insecurity you once had washes away.

Loving all parts of you he wants more, dipping two fingers into you and curling in the right place to make you arch. He was full of skills.

You unconciously started immitatiing his moviements in your mind on yourself.

You imagined how he slid into you, with such ease, no resitance from bing so wet. He always sighed into your neck. You always though you fit perfectly.

He looks at you intently for every stroke, every beat of his hips into yours. So fluid so perfect.

He stopped, turned you to you side and lifted you leg over his shoulder and my god he was

"soooo deep fuck" You moaned out loud

You touched yourself exactly how he would, making sure you felt him.

Back in your memories, you were loudly moaning his name making sure it was well known to him and anyone else listeneing.

He had taken to rubbing your puffy redening clit while still rutting into you in that position in such an unruly pace.

When your legs started to shake slightly, he slowed down and depened each stroke.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck"

He felt your walls spasiming around him and he let you push him over the edge as well. He let it take over completely and he bured himself in you and kissed you deeply.

The sensation washed over you as you opened your eyes and left you let your mouth gape in the rush of your orgasm.

God you missed him in more ways than one.

You finished cleaning up and wrapped a towel over yourself. Looked at your flushed reflection and decided it was time for bed.

You usually didnt take long with the skin care and definetely not gettind dressed but smelling good was a top priotrty. Your facorite perfumes and body mists always grace you before bed. So you picked your faviorte and started on locking up the house's long interior and security system. Doors, faucets, lights, locks, windows. All checked and your ready to bed.

You walk past the bathroom and think about what youd dont 20 minutes earlier.

How badly you missed him. So as you were walking, you called him again.

"You'ce reached Nanami, Leave a message . BEEEEEP"

This time you did, almost in a whisper you gace him your message.

You got into bed and turned a couple times before finally falling into sleep.

In Nanami's end he was breathing hard and looking into the mirror at his reflection.

His serious scowl knowing that he would have to work another overtime shift, and not get to you before bed.

He leaned against the mirror, throwing his head back in the memory of you, your smile, youre clothes, your warmth, your scent.

You gave him his motivation and he cleaned up, perked up and confidently walked out of the bathroom. Putting his coat on and realizing his cellphone was ringing.

It was the notification of your message.

He clicked the phone a cople times and then brought it to his ear.

"You have 1 new message."

"Baby can you call me back?....... I miss you...... Its so lonley in our mansion"

He took not of your voice, analyzed it, the slight echo and the as he pictured you walking around the house in your pajamas without him.

"BEEEEEP. To reply press 1."

He stared into space for a while, took a deep breathe and put the phone back into his coat pocket, he turned toward the face of a curse that would make the human heart stop.

As he turned, he smiled at the thouh of the nickname you gave him and how the mansion you owned together was a purchase you wanted and is now the reason your missing him.

He immediately killed the curse in front of him, and allowed for the ashes of it to drift away in the wind.

Nanami knew he had to finish quick. Face the threat and get back to you.

And do to you what you make him feel like, do to you everything and anything he could imagine. To have him sex crazed and craving more time and time again.

To make sure and put a new memory for you to touch yourself about.

"To work then."

And he got on to the job he was meant to do, in more ways than one.

[hypernova-writes]

Hi guys! It's Nova here on a serious note.

Tw: hospitalization, sickness.

So i had to be hospitalized again, im currently typing this from my hospital bed at the moment, I don't know when I'll be released, hopefully tomorrow though.

But with that being said since I'm going to be out of work for a while, once I feel better I plan on posting to my kofi, doing exclusive fics to make up for the missing work days. And I know most of you are probably like "nova rest!" I will..I just..I feel awful.

Mostly because I use my money to help out around the house, I do alot in that house...and my father..decided to go out and get high and sell drugs instead of checking on me while I was literally fighting for my life.

AND AS IM WRITING THIS, ONLY CALLS ME TO TELL ME TO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR FOR HIM.

Not to ask if I'm okay, dude literally tried to blame me for not telling him I was in the hospital...MY MOMMS TOLD YOU AT AROUND 9 SOMETHING AND YOU STILL DIDNT CALL.

like..I cant anymore..I cant..You guys are my only escape besides cosplaying with my friends..and I can't do that due to financial strains because of this home, where I'm stressed 24/7.

So I'll be setting up a cashapp on top of my Kofi, if you want to donate. You don't have to, I'm just putting it out there because I dont know how go fund me really works..I might do research when I get better.

But i apologize for the lack of fics and requests for the next few days or weeks..I don't know when I'll get better..I hope it's soon. But if anything happens to me, i want you all to know how much of an impact you all have made on my life, you made ne love writing again, a passion I'd lost because of people (*couch cough certain family cough cough*) telling me it was a waste writing for strangers on the internet and that I needed a real job.

I'll keep you all posted when I'm release and how I'm doing. But God I hope i get better...because I'm so scared for my life..luckily My partner was getting off work and I called him. Because if I was alone..I probably wouldn't be here..

With Love, Hope and Joy,

Nova

My New Cashapp for Donations

My Kofi account

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Honestly at this point starting to feel I've managed to miss Jason's characterization while he was alive because he really really does not and has never seemed especially angry to me, but the comics are trying to hammer it in so much, it's like all they mention is his anger and impulsiveness and his death but like??

I can never remember jaybin (<-is that what we call jason robin for short?) being like that, certainly not to the extent they're always saying, to me his anger wasn't that much, and it pretty much matched with batman's, it wasn't greater than anyone else's, and it just felt like general new hero anger, I cannot stress enough just how off all these flashbacks and talking about him feel wrong to me

[ganondoodle]

so, after not having access to my PC or time to draw for several days i had a cool idea i wanted to try but of course it didnt work out

so im posting the one screenshot i made and how far i got (its not very far and i got desperate at the end just spinnign around the colors in hopes it would solve whatever issue is blocking me from drawing properly..)

idea was to show just how scary it would be to encounter demise randomly in the land, hes really big in my story and its rarely clear bc in what i have drawn so far hes mostly only next to hylia and with her being taller than him they look rather reasonably sized

anyway, heres the unfinished thing

[thesupernaturalhouse]

Vaggie: Alastor can you watch the eggs their being....eggs and I have to- just take them off my hands

Alastor: ooo i certainly will....

Vaggie:.....in a peaceful manner. Alastor.

Alastor: mmm well that's less fun, also why should I watch them?

Vaggie: well you're going to some meeting and I have to help charlie-

Alastor: didn't she excuse you from your duties for today?

Vaggie:...why would she- why would I ask for that??

Alastor: why, you have to come to this meeting to my dear!

Vaggie: no I dont?? It's an overlord meeting I'm not an overlord-

Alastor: but you are!

Vaggie: if anything charlie should probably be going with you rather then me- what what??

Alastor: I'll explain on the way! *just fucking leaves*

Vaggie: wha- alastor! Alastor I swear to the lord you better explain!

Alastor: hmmm, well you're an overlord my dear I don't think there's anything else TO explain

Vaggie: right...but I'm NOT an overlord??

Alastor: I beg to differ, I knew there was something off about you but couldn't place it until Charlie said something

Vaggie: Charlie- what does- okay you know what? You're insane. I'm going to go talk to Charlie myself!

Alastor grabs her shirt collar like a kitten: ah-ah-ah you have a meeting to attend my dear! It's be bad manners if you skipped it, whoch I suppose you've been skipping them for the past 5 or so years?

Vaggie: No, I haven't! and let go of my you asshole!

Alastor: hmmm no I don't think I will~ come on now! We're already half way there!

Vaggie: ugh, at least tell me how you and xharlie think I'm an overlord- which I'm NOT by the way!

Alastor: well...do you remember that sinner you saved? The one you had a slat with and ended uo teaching self defense?

Vaggie: how do you-....ah, charlie- what does that have to do with anything??

Alastor radio noise of displeasure: well, APPARENTLY they told more demons, you DO remember the large influx of demons who came to you right?

Vaggie: I.....I um....yeah....

Alastor: well they said they owed you 'favors' correct?

Vaggie:....fuck.

Alastor: they gave you their souls until said favor is called upon! You not using it has apparently given you the reputation of a very lenient overlord, a defensive and protective one at that! So more people cane to you, you trianed them in defense and most gave you their souls so you could call upon them for a favor at a time of your choosing!

Vaggie: going through the 5 stages of grief trying to process it all

Alastor: On top of that, the other overlords seem to be threatened by the fact you have so many souls and demons going to you WILLINGLY, you not showing up to meetings and beong little morningstars girlfriend doesnt help that either!So this will be a fun first meeting~

Vaggie: no no no no no nope! Alastor, you let me go right this second! I am not- no! Alastor! Alastor!!!

Zestial: Alastor and...oh the defensive Overlord nice to meet you again nd to finally meet you

Vaggie: ¿¡Quién diablos es esta araña joder!? (Who the hell is this spider fuck!?)

Part 1 | Part 2(here!!) | Part 3

[biblically-accurate-dca]

@vanweek2024 day 7 - sunrise

tomorrow is another day

[emsobles]

sorry about all the what we do in the shadows spam, I watched the finale and realised how much I deeply care for this show and I was VERY sad about nandermo

[allie-the-ally]

[ID: A digital illustration of Jinx from Arcane, but she has central heterochromia, multiple ear piercings, as well as an eyebrow, septum and a lower lip piercing. Her hair is dark blue and the ornaments are silver. She appears to be in motion, recoiling from something with a surprised and shocked expression, one hand slightly raised. The background is a black-teal-pink gradient with visible brush strokes. There is a pink rim light coming from the right, with stark shadows on the left. The artist's signature "allie-the-ally" and a small rose are drawn above one of her braids. End ID]

in honour of arcane S2 coming out, heres a VERY self-indulgent jinx, that i got stuck on the background on and then didnt touch it for several years.... yayyy hurting and ouching about it

[asexualbookbird]

i know ive said this already but i want to say it again and again and again but so many people have made these last eleven days easier. I mean nothing ablut this has been easy, and I do still feel guilty about even THINKING about the fact I'm not crying 24/7 but like. The internet made the cost easier to bear. Friends have gone for walks. Given me hugs. Sent goodies. All to ease the pain. Despite it all, I am still so so blessed. From the bottom of my heart, thank you <3

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[aria0fgold]

FINALLY DONE WITH THE ISAT OC! SOLEIL!!!

The creature... So first things first is some info about them pre- disappearance of The Country. They're a loyal follower and avid worshipper of The Country. They love the Universe sooo much that they made a wish to be able to read the stars, and the Universe answered. I like to think that the stars are talkative, some can predict what will happen in the near future, some are just "chatting" to each other about the stuff happening in the world they overlook. It's a somewhat useful ability that Soleil used to use to be able to either predict someone's future (rarely though, the stars hold many different futures and it's hard to figure out which is whose) or use it during funeral rites to have a more reassuring experience to the ones mourning that their loved one arrived safely among the stars.

And then they found out about The Cursing of Chateau Castle-- they kiiiinda got Really obsessed with the book series that they wanted to know more about it but there wasn't any more copies of it in the Country's language so what better way to deal with that but teaching itself how to understand the Vaugardian language, and by doing that they got to learn more about the Vaugardian culture and was really amazed by it (considering that they spent most of their life with the Country's culture instead, learning about a different culture is a great feeling). One thing led to the other and it also led Soleil to travelling to Vaugarde (something that their family wasn't all that happy with but they stay silly).

And so we're back at the present time! Now to talk about some details on its appearance.

Its Craft type is Scissors! The eye on the center of its chest and the eye by its nape are in fact EYES and not just accessories (although they did try to make the eye on its chest appear to be like a mix between a star shape and the Change Symbol).

After spending some time in Vaugarde, they learned about Body Craft in which case they decided to experiment with it in regards to its eyes.

Since being in Vaugarde, there wasn't much use to its star sight and there also isn't a way to "turn it off." So instead, they decided to separate its Normal sight from the Star sight by adding another pair of eyes on its body.

The eyes on its face are blind. They can't see through it anymore but they Can still see the stars (they can't read it anymore however cuz of the Country's disappearance).

If they focus on the stars using those eyes, they'd get a REALLY bad headache and a star sign appears on its eyes. Nothing to be afraid of probably, its head just Really hurts.

The glass covering the eye on its nape is a one way mirror. You won't be able to see the eye but the eye can still see you.

With its vision split, it actually took them awhile to get used to that. It takes a lot of concentration and focus to see both from behind and from the front. When Soleil gets tired from doing that, they either close the eye on its nape (if the place is safe enough) or unfocus it enough to the point that most of its vision becomes blurry with only being able to see blobs of shapes and shadows which helps them be alert enough in case something comes running at them from behind.

All the round objects you see on its body are Bombs. They found out about Bomb Craft in Jouvente and was so fascinated by it that their inventor brain (inventing, crafting, and repairing stuff is a special interest of theirs). They now like making bombs and inventing new ones (only they have the recipe of those).

The bombs they invented only detonates via a Craft spell, it's basically as safe as an ordinary ball to handle unless detonated. Also the scissors at the top of their head has a cover on its tip. It's Very Sharp. They mainly use that (either the tip or the scissor blades itself) to cut the bombs dangling on its body.

Despite the multitude of bombs they carry, they aren't actually much of a fighter (they just like bombs). Most of its Craft spells are basic/beginner level. The one and only Powerful Craft spell they have is a shield/defense spell that they practiced several times. It's capable of negating all damage for 2 turns with a 5 turn cooldown, they wanted to master that spell to make it so that bombs won't hurt them no matter the close proximity.

Its hand signs are "broken." They used to mimic the hand signs that the Universe (I'm mainly referring to my design of the Universe) makes. But after forgetting about everything in regards to it, they can't remember what hand signs they used to make but the familiar feeling was still there.

A huge fan of The Cursing of Chateau Castle, to the point of practically making it part of its identity now that a HUGE chunk of its memory is missing. Its outfit is a modified version of what they think Lady Irene-Janine-Karine wears.

Its personality is a mixture of Lord Josephandre, Pierre-Jacques-Erneste, and Lady Irene-Janine-Karine (aka the Chateau Trio!!! Love those three...).

Its name, "Soleil" is just something they found in a book and decided to use for itself. They don't remember its name anymore.

[tokiwarcube]

i am normal about Fucking That Middle Aged Man

[shittywriterbrain]

no. polyamory would've solved a subplot of s3 and the entire main crime plot of s4. this is the truth